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kindred_spiritSchool has been over for the day for some time, and the room is really too dark and too cold for what Gilbert is doing, which is (theoretically) marking compositions, though he hasn't written anything for almost an hour, and which is (in reality) avoiding having to walk through the schoolhouse door for as long as possible.
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Date: 2005-12-13 04:32 pm (UTC)Late afternoon in winter, and it is hard to see, but doubtless Gil would recognize the figure at the door anywhere, as she stands there, twisting her hands before her, an unreadable expression in solemn gray eyes.
She'd driven from Avonlea after her own school day had ended, while Marilla looked after her questioningly and with not a little worry for her girl who had been so serious and quiet these past few weeks--but now that she was here, she felt her courage would fail her and she would turn and flee.
Instead, she takes a step in, watching him.
"Hello, Gil."
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Date: 2005-12-13 04:34 pm (UTC)"Anne, I --"
Closes his mouth before he says whatever he was going to say.
Opens it again.
Closes it again.
Picks up the pen.
Sets it down.
Stands up.
Opens his mouth.
"Anne."
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Date: 2005-12-13 04:38 pm (UTC)"You're--you're busy--" she says, quickly, hating how flustered her voice sounds. "I shouldn't interrupt--ought to leave you to your work."
And yet she stands there, white hands twined together, looking at him.
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Date: 2005-12-13 04:45 pm (UTC)He stands next to his desk, fists clinched, arms at his side, just stands for a long moment.
And then he's crossed the schoolhouse in what seems impossibly few steps, because she's here and he can't not go to her, can't not put his arms around her.
"I have missed you so much."
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Date: 2005-12-13 04:51 pm (UTC)"Oh, Gil." Anne's voice is tremulous, a bit. Weary. She's so tired, but Gilbert's arms around her are steadying, comforting, and heartbreakingly familiar.
It has been a terribly long time since they've stood like this.
"I couldn't," she says, muffled into his coat, and then: "I just had to see you. Oh, Gil, I've missed you so."
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Date: 2005-12-13 04:55 pm (UTC)It's been too long since they stood like this, really.
"I'm glad you came. I didn't think -- I wasn't sure you would want to see me."
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Date: 2005-12-13 04:59 pm (UTC)"Not want to see you? I thought you'd never speak to me again. I thought--I was sure you'd hate me. But I had to come anyway."
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Date: 2005-12-13 05:03 pm (UTC)A hypothesis he has, in fact, tested.
"I don't really know what to say to you, right now, but I am glad you're here."
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Date: 2005-12-13 05:11 pm (UTC)"You don't have to--I just--there were some things I wanted to say, but I--I don't quite know where to start, or how, or if they're really all that important, but--"
A sigh, and then she pulls away reluctantly, blinking suspisciously bright eyes and bringing up a hand to wipe them for a brief moment before looking up at him and offering a small smile.
"Can we sit?"
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Date: 2005-12-13 05:15 pm (UTC)Letting her go feels a little wrong, but he does, and sits on top of one of the student desks, and tries to smile at her.
"Oh, here," he says, "better take this before we start."
He hands her a slate one of his students has left behind.
"Just in case I say something to make you mad. Carrots."
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Date: 2005-12-13 05:17 pm (UTC)"I don't know. I rather think it's your turn to break it over my head."
But she comes, and sits next to him, and laughs a little at the memory of her thirteen year old self, who had been forced to sit with Gilbert Blythe as punishment.
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Date: 2005-12-13 05:19 pm (UTC)"Why is that, Anne?"
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Date: 2005-12-13 05:21 pm (UTC)"Because I'm the one who hurt you, this time."
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Date: 2005-12-13 05:25 pm (UTC)He doesn't look at her, either.
"I'm sorry, Anne."
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Date: 2005-12-13 05:31 pm (UTC)"No--no, Gil, don't be. You've nothing to be sorry for. I've ruined everything. It's my fault."
A breath.
"And I'm terribly, terribly sorry."
Anne has apologized to Gilbert Blythe rather often since that fateful day they met by the gate, but perhaps only two of them really count. That one, and this.
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Date: 2005-12-13 05:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-12-13 05:48 pm (UTC)Perhaps, she thinks, love does not come into life with grand epiphanies and castles in the air. Perhaps it grows instead, quietly and sweetly out of a beautiful friendship, out of trust and need and devotion.
The slate in her hands offers her no answers.
She thinks over all the times they have laughed together, walked together, planned together, the times he;d let her cry on his shoulder, how happy she'd been to see him when she had been stuck irrevocably at the End of the Universe.
And with a slight pang, she thinks of Bran, comfort and golden eyes softening for her.
And offers up a silent apology and thanks.
"I don't know if I can give you what you want, Gil," she says, finally. And yet her voice is not sure.
The slate is turned over and over.
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Date: 2005-12-13 05:56 pm (UTC)There really aren't words for this, but he reaches out, tentatively, slowly, to touch her hair.
"I love you," he repeats. "That's not going to change, not ever. It will always be the same, Anne. Different than the old same, but still the same. A new same."
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Date: 2005-12-13 06:00 pm (UTC)"I don't know," she says, softly. "I'm not sure what I know about anything, anymore, but--oh, I want to. More than anything."
It's the first step to admitting that perhaps, she already does.
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Date: 2005-12-13 06:07 pm (UTC)It's not, not really, but it's a start.
It's would be easy, really, to move his hand from her hair to cheek, run it along the curve of her face, down to her neck, to let it rest for just a moment on the nape of neck, and then to pull her forward, gently but firmly, and to kiss her.
So easy, in fact, that it is exactly what Gil does.
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Date: 2005-12-13 06:14 pm (UTC)The slate gets put to one side, and she reaches up to touch his cheek ever so lightly, and closes her eyes.
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Date: 2005-12-13 06:20 pm (UTC)Except that it doesn't.
Gil pulls away from her, abruptly.
"I'm sorry, Anne, I shouldn't have--"
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Date: 2005-12-13 06:21 pm (UTC)"Don't apologize, Gil. Please."
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Date: 2005-12-13 06:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-12-13 06:24 pm (UTC)"They--they aren't."
A pause.
"I shan't be seeing Bran anymore, Gil."
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Date: 2005-12-13 07:26 pm (UTC)He's not sure if he's heard what she's actually said, or if he's just heard something he'd very much like to have heard her say.
Because he saw them together not long ago, and they looked -- well, rather engaged.
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Date: 2005-12-13 07:52 pm (UTC)Anne looks down at her hands helplessly.
"It's--I was thinking about it, quite a bit. And I know you don't like him. And he doesn't like you, either, and it felt as though I was being torn in two."
And now she gets up, and walks to the window, to the blackboard, to the desk, distractedly, speaking rather rapidly and not looking directly at him.
"And for a while I thought--but I was wrong. I did like him. But if it's a choice between you and Bran, I'd--I'd choose you every time, Gil."
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Date: 2005-12-13 07:59 pm (UTC)"I'm sorry, Anne. I wish I could like him for your sake, but I really can't. I hate that it hurt you."
He gets up, comes to the front of the room, takes her hand. "I don't know what I'd do if you chose him."
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Date: 2005-12-13 08:04 pm (UTC)"Not if it meant losing you."
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Date: 2005-12-13 08:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-12-13 08:15 pm (UTC)She feels as though she is going to fly into a thousand pieces, the ground under her feet not steady enough for her to stand on. Her hand in Gilbert's is cold, but her fingers tighten on his.
"Would we have been such good friends if I'd chosen Bran?"
It isn't an accusation. Her voice is still soft, still slightly tired, but curious, a bit.
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Date: 2005-12-13 08:22 pm (UTC)"Yes," he says finally.
"I can't not be your friend, Anne. I know because I tried. If you walk out of this schoolhouse and never speak to me again, we're still friends. You change your mind in five minutes, and we're still friends. You'd break my heart, but we'd still be friends."
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Date: 2005-12-13 08:27 pm (UTC)Instead, she blinks back tears that are forming, and nods again, silently.
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Date: 2005-12-13 08:30 pm (UTC)It's not about romance, not at this moment. This is comfort, and friendship.
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Date: 2005-12-13 08:34 pm (UTC)Softly: "What do we do now?"
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Date: 2005-12-13 08:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-12-13 08:44 pm (UTC)"Despite the fact that I am, apparently, impossibly bad at figuring things out."
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Date: 2005-12-13 08:46 pm (UTC)"I think you're getting better at it," he says, smiling.
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Date: 2005-12-13 08:48 pm (UTC)It's been rather a long time since she's seen Gilbert truly smile.
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Date: 2005-12-13 08:49 pm (UTC)"Good," he says. "Is there anything I can do to help?"
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Date: 2005-12-13 08:56 pm (UTC)"You could come to my Christmas party," she suggests, innocently.
The sparkle in her eyes might be rather more mischievous.
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Date: 2005-12-13 08:59 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-12-13 09:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-12-13 09:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-12-13 09:10 pm (UTC)And she stretches up on her tiptoes to press her lips lightly against his.
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Date: 2005-12-13 09:13 pm (UTC)Far more important things to do than talk, after all.
Like kiss Anne.
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Date: 2005-12-13 09:17 pm (UTC)"There," she says, a little breathlessly.
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Date: 2005-12-13 09:26 pm (UTC)He's not letting go of her any time soon.
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Date: 2005-12-13 09:31 pm (UTC)Nor does she particularly want to.